I feel wilted right now.
It’s been just a bit of a wilted day.
I’m relatively underslept and my period started yesterday, and I am having a painfully subdued day. Aside from bleeding all over everything, I have occupied myself with anticipating how tired I’ll be tomorrow, curling up into small balls, and generally stewing in a depressive fog.
This morning, Mackenzie in orchestra held out two fingers that had gotten cut slightly working on the set, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Normally wounds don’t look like that, or there’s blood to cover it up, but it hit me pretty hard. I’ve never seen any injury looking that way anywhere else around me before, and it was a bit of a slap in my face.
I came home and somehow my energy just melted. Or transformed into anxiety, I don’t know. But I felt nervous and exhausted and unhappy the way I do before a long rehearsal, but there was nothing at all on my schedule for the night. That was… frustrating. I couldn’t wheedle myself out of the anticipatory mindset towards the burden of a rehearsal tomorrow night. Twas disgruntling.
I was left with narry a gruntle to be found.
The late evening has been better, and I’ve had some nice conversation with wonderful people. I’m already feeling significantly more animated than when I first embarked on this post an hour or two ago. I just don’t know how to avoid all-consuming wraith-moods like these, but I want to be able.